Narcotic Fantasies

Memory is far more than a mental image. Overwhelming emotions, physical manifestations and long-lasting trauma allow for a memory to envelop at any moment. I chose to portray a very physical memory that impacts my daily life. Living with a chronic illness can often require traumatic medical intervention, creating warped memories. Narcotic Fantasies focusses on the physical memory of waking up after anaesthetic. In those first few seconds after waking up, dizzy spells and bright lights trigger a panic state. In each image I explore the transition from first waking up to full panic and into a state of exhaustion. Every image has been taken during a flare up of pain to record the most accurate reactions of fear. Due to the restrictions from COVID-19 local lockdown, I was working with only a small orange tone light to create an eery and isolated feel. The low light environment created challenges with the exposures, requiring an ISO 200 to achieve the desired ratio of double exposures and depth of shadows.